Weekend!

We had an eventful weekend! Saturday we saw Steven's parents, then a birthday party and then the lake. Today we went to church, took two very long naps(not normal) and then ended our Sunday with friends at their parents who have a/c. Hope did great! She loves to be out and about! She seems so much more content now that she can get around more. It is crazy seeing her grow and change. She has quite the personality. WE are both so grateful and are really enjoying life with her! She will hates the car;( which makes for going places and doing fun things a little difficult but we are working through it. Not much else going on right now! Currently snuggled in my favorite spot between my two favorite people! Thank you Jesus for these blessings!

Failure....or at least feel that way!

Sweet little girl is growing up so fast! She is crawling....say what? How did this happen? She does the dead leg crawl but is using her legs more and more everyday. I really thought I would have this baby that loved to cuddle and be close to me all the time but I have a very determined independent little lady on my hands. Although she needs me a lot in the middle of the night. I felt like a major failure today. Hope fussed a LOT! I feel like she gets bored so fast but when I am at work I need to get something done but she doesn't see it that way. Not to mention she did not nap well at all. She is napping in a pack-n-play now and last week would sleep about 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps, at least a couple of them but yesterday and today....30 min tops. So today....woke up to a special surprise( my period) and a very bad one to be exact, I have been a single mom for 72 hours, a very fussy baby and no sleep....lets just say I had a short fuse. But I tried. We got in the car and she screamed all the way to work. I think I may have a nervous breakdown just form driving her places. Ugh...I hate feeling frustrated. I hate trying to reason with a 4 month old....HELLO SHE IS 4 MONTHS! Bottom line is tomorrow has to be better. Steven has been coming to work in order for me to get some work done. It every hard taking her with me but I would not have it another way. What I would rather do is sell this house and move into a very small house and not work! I know I would still have days where she would fuss but I would feel a lot less stressed while it was happening. Praying that the Lord reveals the correct path for us! Off to bed. As always I am snuggled in between my two favorite people! Praying to get some sleep tonight. The most I have slept in a row is 2 hours in the last 2 months....worth it but I wouldn't complain if I even got 3;) To my sweet baby Hope, Mommy will do better tomorrow! Forgive me for being frustrated. This job is very hard but I wouldn't give it up for anything! Night world!

Love

People tell you about the love you have for your children but there is truly no way to explain to someone how your heart feels like it could not grow anymore but it does. My heart hurts because I love Hope so much. She makes all things better. Her smile will melt your heart. Deep down I always knew somehow I would be a mom but I never thought I would be given a gift as perfect as Hope. I am so grateful that I get to experience the greatest love one can feel. I lay awake praying for my friends who are still waiting to hold their miracle babies. My heart hurts for them as they wait. I pray they get to experience the joy of being a mom. So far the most amazing experience has been nursing my sweet girl. There is nothing like the feeling of giving your child everything they need. There is nothing sweeter then looking down and seeing her latched on. There is nothing more calming then watching her fall asleep while nursing away. And nothing will melt your heart more then watching your sweet one smile while nursing. I just don't understand why everyone wouldn't want to nurse! I love everything about nursing;) and am so excited about doing for a long to come! Today I washed my phone in the washer. I think 3 1/2 months of not sleeping longer then a 3 hour stretch at a time has finally caught up with me. I am so grateful for a husband who is gracious and gentle with me. He never got upset and actually didn't make fun of me too much. I am so thankful that instead of having to pay 649 dollars to replace my phone the Apple store gave me a replacement phone for 149. The Lord is good! I also got my first pair of jeans since having a baby. I am excited to not be wearing maternity jeans anymore. Bottom line, this is not the weight I want or will be at but, I just had a baby 3 months ago and I will give myself a little grace. It took me 9 months to put it on so I should allow myself 9 months to lose it but I don't think it will take that long! Healthy eating and trying to get in an exercise here and there will really help! It is late and I am actually up watching the Olympic gymnastic trials which I will most likely be regretting since Hope will most likely be up for her first snack at 12:30 but this only happens every 4 years so I will be fine! Lets just hope I can fall right asleep....who am I kidding....I can always fall asleep now!! To my sweet love, Hope your mommy loves you more then you know!

The little things!

Planning on getting a calendar to be able to remember the important milestones for Hope since my brain doesn't work great these days! But for now I will try and keep everything here... She is getting better at telling her hands what to do! She actually pulled down on a hanging toy that vibrates when it goes back up...she must have done it 4 times! I couldn't believe it. She had stopped rolling over, almost like she was bored with it and then a couple days ago she was at it again but this time it is every time she is on her back! She is much faster and is getting better at getting her arm out when it gets stuck! She has been playing with her face with her right hand a lot lately. At first I thought she was just touching her ear and that her ear may be bugging her but then she would rest her hand on her cheek and just leave it there....it is so funny! Ill try and get a picture. She is a little dare devil! She likes to bounce a lot in the sleepy wrap. She likes to be held in the air and pretend to drop her;) She likes it when you swing her fast and hight in your arms! She likes to be moving all the time! Sleeping is still going well. She sleeps great at night. I would say on average she nurses every 2-3 hours so some nights it is longer in between and then for instance last night it was all night long! My mom found the lullaby cd she use to play for all of us kids and Hope loves it! I can remember all the songs and the memories that come with the songs. Hope actually slept on the drive home while listening to it! That was a wonderful drive home. This girl is just so wonderful1 I can't believe my dreams have come true. I can't believe I am a mom. I can't believe the Lord has blessed me so much more than I even asked for. My life is forever changed for the better! Better get to bed. I am still fighting off that cold. I am still coughing and waking up feeling awful. Praying it goes away soon!

In love!

My sweet Hope....words can not describe the love I have for you. You are so sweet. Today we got to see her cousin Grace dance in her ballet recital. This brought back many memories of dancing! Great ones! I honestly didn't think I would want Hope to dance but I just don't feel that way anymore. If she wants to then I am all for it! Hope had a great day today! Before the recital we got to visit with Auntie Rachel! Super fun and we exchanged borrowed items and had lunch. Tonight Steven is gone overnight to go skiing at Mt Hood so my mom is over staying with us! We have a long full day tomorrow of fun! excited for some help and for company!Still battling my cold but I am sure it will be getting better soon! We will definitely be missing Daddy tonight though. Hope is weighing in at 12.6 pounds right now She is very talkative She loves people She loves to be played with She still doesn't nap well during the day She still sleeps great at night She is still the most beautiful baby there is! Thank you Jesus for this gift!

sick....

Well it turns out I am sick....not just the a/c thing. I woke up last night the first time to nurse her and I realized it. It is so hard not to cough and wake her up! All night I prayed I could keep from coughing. I did pretty good. I told Steven if he catches this then he will have to sleep on the couch because there is no way he has the self control I have;) This girl sleeps so well at night.....and when I mean so well I mean she is up every 2-3 hours to nurse but she never stays awake. Most of the time my boob is just out for her to have if she wants it. Half the time I don't even know it is happening...haha! I feel so blessed! I always imagined getting up in the middle of the night and being up for hours but she does really well. On the flip side she only takes about 2-3 (20-30) min cat naps during the day and those are done while I am holding her. So I don't get much done during the day. But there will be plenty of time for me to get to all the stuff I need to get to at a later time! I planned on backing up and writing about the first 3 months little by little but this sick momma is going to head to bed. Hope didn't take her last cat nap so she went down even earlier today so hopefully she will still sleep until 6! Love this girl!!!

Pictures from Father's Day!

Not feeling my best tonight so this will be short! Here are some pictures of yesterday... Steven loving his Father's Day gift....A watch that I had engraved for him! All smiles Steven with little Clara Hope enjoying time with her cousins! Yummy cupcakes I made!! Ugh I would give anything for one right now! Daddy with his little (overstimulated) little girl! She is so sensitive to lots of noise! Family photo....poor Hope was still not thrilled! A little more relaxed....the boy cousins had gone outside and we were packing to head home! Trying hard not to cough right now! I don't think Im really sick but we have had to have the a/c unit in our window on for the last few nights and it always makes my throat hurt/scratchy. It is off tonight for sure. Hopefully Hope's throat isn't bothering her. While I am grateful for the a/c, I do not like to feel this way. Hoping that it is just that! Hope and I did have a great day today! She is really laughing now....well giggling but still! I love to find things that make her laugh! We made a great dinner together and now we are cuddled up next to each other. I guess I should try and sleep(not cough)!

Fathers Day!

Just quick tonight since I didn't sleep too much last night but I need to continue to write! We got to celebrate Steven today! What a blessing. The day was perfect. Breakfast with friends, gift, church, Brian's and now home. It felt so good to see him honored as a father today. But as I will share when I talk about mother's day, it still stings a bit. The many years of trying has left some scars. Steven loved the day! He loved his gift, he loved holding his little girl and he loves time with his family! Here are a couple pictures from his special day. ugh....well I was going to post pictures but my internet sucks! We need new internet....Ill upload them tomorrow! For today Hope was amazing! she did great at breakfast....did quite well at church....didn't love the car but that is not new. Had a great time with her cousins and went to bed right away at 9 I think:) Love this girl! So I am off to sleep. My girl on my left and my man on my right! Love this little family and yes I hope it grows very soon! HAving babies is addicting;) Night!

June 16th

Today Hope got to go to her first ballet recital! I was a little worried she would cry during the show but she did great! She loved the music and loved to watch. We got to see her little cousin Clara dance in first recital and next week we will be watching Grace dance in hers. During the years of trying to conceive Hope, I missed out on a lot.....by choice. It was just too painful to enjoy other people's children. And I will never be able to get that back. I have felt with a lot of guilt over this but it was done to protect myself. Over the last year before getting pregnant I really started to branch back out and I thought I did a good job and now I get to thoroughly enjoy each of my friend's and family's children! After the recital we came home and had dinner with friends and I started on my dishes I am bringing for the Father's Day celebration at Brian's house tomorrow! I made the Pioneer Woman's spinach and artichoke dip and it was AMAZING!!! It is now in the fridge ready to go tomorrow! I will be baking my cupcakes in the morning! I hope I remember to take some pictures! I am so excited for Steven to feel the joy of tomorrow! He has waited a long time and he is ready to enjoy!! In a later blog I will talk about Mothers Day. Today was so very sweet! She laughed and had a really good day. She is feeling much better! Her car rides when I am in the back seat are going much better! She still screams when I am driving and she is alone....even with her mirror and toys;( Poor thing! I love this girl and love to watch her grow! Once again I am snuggled between the two loves of my life! Thank you Jesus for the gifts you have given me. Thank you for the blessing that Hope is. I pray peace and joy over her!

Celebrations!

Technically she is 3 months today;) I can't believe it has been 3 months. Most people say, everything goes by so fast or I can't even remember when they were that little. I am determined to soak up every moment and try rally hard not to forget. I can't however change time. 3 months have flown by. But what amazes me the most is how much they grow, in size and knowledge. She is so big! Since we don't take her to the doctor we have to weight her at home. Steven weighed her before Hope and I took a shower this morning and she weighed in at almost 13 pounds. I asked Steven if he thought that was good and he was like....sure! He then went and looked up the info while we were showering. When he came back in he said that 13 pounds was average for a girl. He then told me that she would be considered a Banana Baby, long and lean and she is getting the most nutrients because she is fed on demand and we bed-share with her. Basically the boob is at her demand whenever she needs it! I love that he is so supportive. The main thing with nursing is support! Every morning(well 2:30am) when Steven leaves for work he kisses me goodbye and tells me what a great mom I am and how he loves seeing us sleep next to each other;) Love him! Funny things Hope did today~ ~She is always the most happy when she wakes up in the morning. This morning was no exception but she kept looking back and forth between us almost like she was confused how we were both in bed with her! Steven rarely is with us in the morning! ~She was extra talkative today. ~TOday was one of the most successful days we have had in the car. She was entertained but songs from the Sound of Music! We celebrated Fathers day for my dad today! We all went to breakfast....Hope slept towards the end! Then we went and celebrated Nana's 60th birthday! I brought all the preparations for mango cream sauce over tilapia and brown rice and peppers! I made the meal and we got to serve M. It went great and she loved it! She got to hold Hope a little more this time. Like I said, Hope is a momma's girl for sure right now! Now I am sandwiched in-between My man and my sweet girl! Like always I should be asleep but I want to try and make this a habit! I love you sweet baby Hope! You are our prayers come true!

3 months!

I need to just start somewhere. My poor sweet girl is 3 months old tomorrow and I have not written anything down. I will soon forget all the little details I wanted to remember. So I just need to dive in and start form now and try to recall what I have forgotten already. 3 months~ Sweet little Hope learned to roll over last week. She was 3 days shy of 12 weeks when she figured it out. This girl wants to be a big girl already. She no longer wants to be held like a baby, she wants to be upright, sitting up, standing, rolling over. I love watching her grow! She is such a sensitive baby. My dad reminds me almost daily how that reminds him of me. She gets startled easily. She doesn't like loud noises, she doesn't like lots of people talking. She likes people talking to her;) She loves to be talked to and when we sing to her. She has a smile that is out of the world beautiful. I think she is the perfect blend of Steven and I. I can see me in her and of course lots of Hopper in her. She loves me and I don't say that just because I am the one Im referring to;) She mostly just wants me, and Im not going to lie, I love it. By the end of work days specifically, I tend to feel very worn. But then I just thank God all over again for this miracle. She is currently sound asleep right next to me. She is a great sleeper, at night that is. She gets up every 2-3 hours to nurse but she never wakes all the way up, I catch her before that happens. I should be asleep right now but I just had to start somewhere. This is all over the place but I need to remember this time. She is beyond my wildest dreams. Being a mom is far better then I could have ever imagined. I am forever grateful to the Lord for giving me this miracle baby. I hope to have many ore to come but for now I am soaking up every moment with by beautiful girl. She loves morning time She hates the car She loves rocky She hates the car She loves being outside She hates the car She loves TV She hates the car ~ Did I mention she hates the car;) Praying and believing that will change soon! I love you sweet baby Hope!

Need to be better at blogging

There is no real way to recap everything that has happened so I will do my best and then move forward. I have still been keeping track of everything through my vlogging which seams to be easier but I do need to try and write stuff down as well. I am 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant and so excited to be able to say that! We had a scare starting at 9 weeks 4 days, I started spotting and it didn't stop until 12 weeks 3 days. Crazy experience. Very scary. But I did get to see the baby an extra time because of it. The baby hb is still really high! 182bpm:) That is one strong heart! Very thankful that I am not spotting anymore!

I would say that I have a small baby bump, mostly because when I suck my stomach in it no longer goes in anymore! YEAH! Can't wait to have a real big stomach! Right now I am just wearing skirts and dresses since my pants don't seem to fit anymore and the bellie band doesn't always work the best.

We took the intelligender test and it said boy:) It is a over the counter gender predictor test that you mix your first morning urine in and depending on the color it changed to, that is what gender you are having. This test has been proven to be 80-90% accurate but more near the 80% when the test result shows boy...weird right? So while Steven thought it was awesome it came up boy result, we are not painting the nursery quite yet. I still feel for some reason that we are having a girl. I would love to have a boy so it is not like I am wanting a girl so badly that I am making myself feel that way...so who knows we will be excited for either! So far for names we have

Hope Marie Hopper for a girl
and
Charles (charlie) Steven hopper....so Steven could call him JR. which is what he already is referring to the baby as:)
or
Jack Roy Hopper
or
Brighton David hopper
or
Luke David hopper
So needless to say we have agreed on a girl's name but not a boy!

So we get to go in around 15 weeks to a place that needs models to test on new machines. They pay you cash and travel time, not that I need to be paid but a little extra cash is always nice. So maybe, hopefully we may know what we are having in about 2 weeks!!! If not I will be requesting another asap! We just so badly want to know what we are having.

I have purchased a few baby buys, trying for mostly gender neutral but also a few boy and girl stuff. I would post some pics but I'm not home right now so I will hopefully add them later!

That is about it for now! We see the midwife next Tuesday! We will finally be able to hear our baby's heart beat! So So SO excited for that!

Thank you for all your continued support and prayer!

5w5days

I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant and up until last night I felt great. Other then being tired and occasionally thinking I might throw up, I felt great. I have been having cramps since before the transfer and that has not changed. These were mild cramps nothing too exciting that was until last night. We went over to our friend's house for dinner and then when we were finished I started having mild cramping which then quickly escalated to bad cramping and then to where I couldn't get up off the floor. I went upstairs into the bathroom when I tried to go to the bathroom but the cramps were just so bad I couldn't even see straight. I was yelling and crying from the pain. I had this exact same thing happen about 3 months ago when I started one of my cycles. It isn't normal cramping. It is a constant cramp, contraction that never goes away. By the time it ended about 35 min later, I was covered in sweat, exhausted and emotionally drained. I couldn't believe after all that pain that I wasn't bleeding. I am telling you, I thought that was the end of the pregnancy for us. After lots of tears and more prayers I was able to head home. I did try and look some stuff up and also emailed my nurse. What I did find was that with endometriosis, pain can be horrible when the uterus is growing wince there is so much scar tissue from it. But it was just really scary. I got an email back from my nurse today and she basically said that cramping in early pregnancy was completely normal.....UM HELLO, this wasn't regular cramping, this was on a whole new level. So all I can do is believe that our baby is still hanging in there and wait till Monday when we get to go in for our first u/s. Some of you may think its weird that I'm worried when I'm not bleeding but that was my other question to the nurse. since I am on progesterone, if I was to miscarry would I even bleed since doing the progesterone shots keeps you from bleeding. She said that most likely if I was miscarrying that I would bleed from it. I hate that nothing is ever for sure. I hate that I had no thoughts of miscarriage at all and then this happened. I am praying that my mind would be at ease and that Monday would come here in a flash! Prayers are always needed! Thanks girls!!

Results are in..............................

Here it is! The post I have been waiting 5 years to write....I'm Pregnant!!! I still can't believe it! I have imagined this time for so long and really thought it would feel real but I am just in bisbelief. I was so sure that I wasn't pregnant. I was having pretty bad cramping and just wasn't feeling it at all but what do I know I guess:)
So Monday we made it to the clinic at 8am for the blood draw. I will say this, Monday morning was the only morning I woke up and felt like it could have worked which only frustrated me more because I knew my hopes were up really high! So blood draw was done by like 8:05 and then we had to kill time and a lot of it. We went to breakfast in Kent and then headed to Ikea. We bought a large bookshelf type thing for the office/sewing/bonus room plus a really cheap sewing table. Then we were off to Starbucks! After we ordered we sat down to play chess. Neither one of us know how to play but to pass time we tried to learn. By then it was 12 and I knew any time between 12-5 I could get the call. As soon as 12 hit, my stomach dropped and I was so nervous! I kept pretending to play. For those that know me, there is not a more fitting place then Starbucks for me to be told that I am PREGNANT!!! So at like 12:45 my phone rang and it was SRM. I knew as soon as I picked the phone up I would know whether I was or wasn't just by the sound of Terry's voice and sure enough I knew right away that I was pregnant! Still in disbelief, she said"you were wrong, you are pregnant"!!!! This was just the start of many "you were wrong" quotes of the day. But I don't care that I was wrong about this becasue I am pregnant!!!! I didn't start to cry or anything, I was shaking but that was about it. I got off the phone and Steven and I hugged for a long time(did I mention we went out to the car, so none of this was happening inside of Starbucks)and prayed and thanked the Lord for the blessing that we knew came from Him alone.
That next few hours was a whirl wind of calls made to friends and family and peeing on sticks! Thats right I really didn't test until after they told me I was pregnant and since then I have taken 5:) I would take more if someone would buy them for me!!!
There are no words to describe how thankful I am for all of you who were praying for us. We felt all of the prayers. We are so excited to be on this next journey! Our first ultrasound is on July 11th which is only the 6 week mark so we may only be able to see something not the actually heart beating but we will see! Thank you thank you thank you to all who prayed and supported us through the last long 5 years of our life!

Our baby!

8dp5dt

Here I am the afternoon before my blood test. I have very mixed feelings right now. Before I start I do understand that I have never been pregnant so I don't know what it feels like but what I do know is that I know what it feels like to not be pregnant. Even before the transfer I was having some cramping and that has never stopped. Over the last few days I have had consistent cramping. By consistent I mean everyday. I don't have cramping all the time but this is what it normally feels like before I start my period. I also know that other women have felt that without a shadow of doubt that they were going to start their period yet they never did and ended up pregnant. So yup all I can do is wait until tomorrow. I go in at 8am and they say they call anywhere form 12-5. So tomorrow we just wait as well. Steven was suppose to work yesterday and for some reason I was happy about that. I felt like I would do better alone, but he called this morning and got the day off. I think it is so very sweet that he wants to be with me but it just seemed a little easier doing it alone:)

So I wait on the Lord. I am praying that this is God's timing for us. Praying that tomorrow I get the call that we have waited 5 years to hear. I want nothing more then to be pregnant but if it is not God's timing then we will make it through and try again. I don't plan on giving up anytime soon!

Thank you again for all your prayers. Please be praying for Steven who has faith unlike anything I have seen and truly believes we are pregnant right now. And who knows WE COULD BE!

Lord I praise you and thank you for your love and blessings that you pour over our lives. Thank you that you are in control of our lives and know what is best for us. Please calm our hearts as we wait for another 24 hours to hear the news we have been waiting for. Let your will be done. As I type this and am having cramping that does not help me in my thinking, protect my heart. Hold my heart. I will serve you no matter the outcome. I love you Father and thank you ahead of time for the blessing of a child that will come.

PUPO~Ashley

3&4dp5dt

3dp5dte
I didn't even blog yesterday because it would have been a mess. I hit a major wall of negativity. Nothing anyone said really was going to make a difference yesterday with how I was feeling....can someone say Debbie Downer!!! With how I have felt through this whole process of birth control, 10 days of hormone shots, numerous probs up the lady area, too many blood draws to count and then continued daily shots and patches I would have never thought I would have felt the way I did yesterday. This whole process has been relatively easy and smooth, feeling very calm and collected that was until yesterday. I just had this overwhelming sense that this didn't work. The devil was working overtime on me. I blasted worship music to drown out the negative thoughts and then when I got homoe I read my Bible and then prayed in what will be the baby's room. But the feeling just never really did leave me.
4dp5dt
Work up to what should have been a brand new start to a brand new day...I could feel it still like a cloud over me. If any of you have seen the lion, the witch and the wardrobe movies(or whatever you call them) saten is depicted in the last film as a green fog like substance that follows you wherever you go once you give into sin. And that is just what happened to me. I allowed the sin of negativity to roam free over me. Now I have to say some of my thoughts are normal for someone in my situation but thinking them and speaking against them is a lot different then bathing in them. I had several people text to check in on me and sure enough my sister did too. I think she could immediately sense something was wrong or maybe the Lord spoke to hear and told her to call because she did. She asked me how I was and I just felt a wave of sadness come over and I began to tell her all the negative things that were following me around. I can't really remember what she said but it helped. But it wasn't until she text me after that finally I was able to let go of the sin I was carrying around...She told me that I needed to remember who God was and what He was calling me to do. She reminded me that i was being used as a testimony to show his Love and Faithfullness to us. She reminded me that He is asking me to run to Him baby or no baby...becasue He is my king and savior. I couldn't have asked for anything more from her. She always has the right things to say and knows exactly what I need to hear. I can honestly say that weights have been lifted from my shoulders and i am now back to believing I will be pregnant at the end of this, if it is God's will.

Thank you to everyone who is praying for us. Thank you to Ashley C for bringing me a jamba juice at work just because and listening to my thoughts! Thank you to my sister who i love more then words. And thank you to the rest that text and email and remind me that we are not in this all by ourselves.

PUPO~Ashley

2 days after a 5 day transfer

Today was much better emotionally then yesterday. Today also wraps up my days of hanging around the house. Tomorrow I am back to work and back to normal stuff. Will I get anything done at work? At Home? Doubtful. My mind is going a million miles an hour, and nothing really in particular. And believe it or not I have stayed off of google, and most sites that people debate symptoms. I do however still stay up to date with my youtube people. I had a wonderful visit with my friend Ashley who recently got pregnant through IVF. I had many questions and she shared as much info as she had, although I will have many more questions for her. I truly think the hardest part with IVF is that there is no real normal with anything. One person could feel one way and another person a completely different way VERY FRUSTRATING! But I will say it is so nice to have someone to talk with in a world that can be so lonely. Other then that I have felt the same today. I have been having cramps since after the retrieval so I have to remember that that was happening before so it probably doesn't mean anything whether it is good or bad. All other symptoms are associated with the progesterone. And that leads me to the last note....My butt hurts from all the shots. You won't hear me complaining about too much but I will say OUCH!!! Well until tomorrow!

PUPO~Ashley

1 Day after a 5 day transfer

Last post I was in the waiting room and now I am in the waiting game.

Surprisingly I do not feel anxious at all but I'll be honest and say today was an emotional day. I woke up feeling perfectly normal but I did get my call from the clinic about the amount of embryos that made the freeze really early. Normally they call from 1pm to 5pm and they called at 9am. The nurse told me that only 2 of the remaining 7 made it to the freeze. I cried. I lost 5 more that were growing but then stopped. I want more then 3 kids at least that is how I feel now and I truly believe I am suppose to have more then 3. Having two frozen isn't a shoe in either is the one that is in my womb right now. I know getting ahead of myself but it is hard not too. My mind tends to race. Sometimes to places I didn't even ask it to go. I am trying to stay as calm in my mind as possible. I am trying to stay as hopefully as possible. I am believing I am pregnant Until Proven Otherwise, also known as PUPO:) I also had pregnancy announcements that came up today. One that gave me great hope(Ashley C:)) and another that was hard to swallow. And to top it all off I have been pumping myself full of hormone medication and I have handled it really well, so I may have just hit a minor breaking point:) But I am back to my positive, have to do this to get pregnant attitude and will keep pushing on!

Will update again soon!

PUPO~Ashley

Waiting room!!

In the waiting room of Seattle reproductive waking to be taken back for my transfer. They told us 11 but apparently it's at 11:30. Totally fine except that they told me to come with a full bladder and there was no way I could make it. So they has me empty my bladder and start drinking again. We are both so hopeful that this is our miracle! Still don't know how many have made it to today but we will know very soon!! So many thoughts that I am refusing to allow to surface. Praying against negative thoughts. Well off to get my blood drawn and then hopefully it will be our turn soon!!!

Be back soon!!

Our new Journey

Well here is is....Almost 5 years to the day that we started trying to have a baby and I can officially say we are doing IVF!!! I am so excited and am trying to enjoy every part of it. Now I don't think I even need to mention that it really isn't a fun process but I'm trying to enjoy! It has been 4 years since we were first told that we would need to do IVF and Steven has spent the last 4 years trying to prove the doctors wrong:) So how did we end up here?!?

I have recently been having abnormally horrible periods, they are normally bad but not like this. Steven hates to see me in pain so we made an appointment to go into Seattle Reproductive Medicine again. When we got there we were given 3 options: Surgery with hormone therapy after, hormone therapy alone or IVF. All three of those options did not seem terribly wonderful but we left the office and had to make a decision. They prescribed me birth control pills since that is step one of the IVF process and we were on our way out the door. Steven and I went our separate ways to work with the lingering decision upon us. I sent him a text later that day asking if he wanted me to fill the BC pills and to my surprise, he said yes! And then to my surprise again he said he wanted me to start taking them!!! And after that everything just kept rolling! WE did all the necessary tests and steps to get everything ready. We got our loan by the grace of God and then we were on our way.

I am on day 6 of my shots and things are going very well. I had my first scan yesterday and I had 30 follicles..30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To put that in perspective, woman have on average one a month! So I am being monitored really carefully(I go back tomorrow morning) to get checked again.

Tentative Timeline:

Tomorrow scan and blood work:
6/10- scan and blood work
Possible more scans after that
6/14- 50% chance of egg retrieval!!!!!!!!!
6/19- FATHERS DAY Embryo Transfer!!!!
6/28- Blood draw to see if I'm pregnant!

Everything is happening so fast! Shots are going remarkably well, it is really hard to mentally give them but physically a piece of cake. I am keeping my emotions under control the best I can. The only real side effects I am having are heightened mood swings, bloating and some pain from my overly big ovaries, and fatigue. I will take all those and more when it results in a miracle baby.

There is so much more to write but I wanted to get this down and then I can break it apart as the days come. Secret: I am also doing youtube videos to help other Christian women going through the same thing. I haven't told Steven about my youtube channel yet but that's alright! If you want to watch my user name is hopeforamiraclesoon.

So please be praying for us. We prepaid for 4 rounds of IVF but are believing it will happen the first time!

Ill keep you updated!