Thursday, January 14, 2010

Change once again.....

Here I am another year with more changes. Why does life not go the way to expected or planned….I wish I knew. About 2 weeks ago I started allowing myself to think about beginning IVF in April, I even joined the 2010 Mommies to be on my support site. And then a bombshell hit me. We starting punching numbers and realized real quickly that we are not ready financially yet to do IVF. How is that possible…well it cost $32,000. We have yet to tell really anyone about having to wait but I felt like I needed to write down how I am feeling. I am devastated, I am sad, I find myself crying over everything, but I do know this is the right way to do it. In order for me to not have to work full time or Steven to get a 3rd job, we need to finish paying off everything except our house and pay out of pocket for IVF. We are constructing a plan right now, but we are looking around March or April of next year to do IVF. That is another year of others having babies, children birthday parties and many more tears. But I know in my heart that this is the right way to do it. I am sure this year will be full of many fun things, that’s right we can have fun while saving and paying stuff off

I want this year to be different than any other year while we have been trying. I am going to be happy, I am going to enjoy my husband more, I am going to meet more people, I am going to be a better friend, I am going to be more creative, I am going to be more organized, I WILL LOSE WEIGHT again!!!

We will still be praying and getting prayed for. There is always a chance of a Miracle baby!!! It is hard to think I may not be a mom in 2010 but I need to okay with waiting. If we do IVF this year then you will know that either we won the Lottery or we grew a money TREE!!!

Ps for those that talk to my mother....we have not told the family yet so this is for you guys only.

Pps I may not always be this realistic with the fact that I am having to wait even longer so bare with me!

Here is to a fun filled 2010 and hope that this year will be full of Miracles!