Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Failure....or at least feel that way!

Sweet little girl is growing up so fast! She is crawling....say what? How did this happen? She does the dead leg crawl but is using her legs more and more everyday. I really thought I would have this baby that loved to cuddle and be close to me all the time but I have a very determined independent little lady on my hands. Although she needs me a lot in the middle of the night. I felt like a major failure today. Hope fussed a LOT! I feel like she gets bored so fast but when I am at work I need to get something done but she doesn't see it that way. Not to mention she did not nap well at all. She is napping in a pack-n-play now and last week would sleep about 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps, at least a couple of them but yesterday and today....30 min tops. So today....woke up to a special surprise( my period) and a very bad one to be exact, I have been a single mom for 72 hours, a very fussy baby and no sleep....lets just say I had a short fuse. But I tried. We got in the car and she screamed all the way to work. I think I may have a nervous breakdown just form driving her places. Ugh...I hate feeling frustrated. I hate trying to reason with a 4 month old....HELLO SHE IS 4 MONTHS! Bottom line is tomorrow has to be better. Steven has been coming to work in order for me to get some work done. It every hard taking her with me but I would not have it another way. What I would rather do is sell this house and move into a very small house and not work! I know I would still have days where she would fuss but I would feel a lot less stressed while it was happening. Praying that the Lord reveals the correct path for us! Off to bed. As always I am snuggled in between my two favorite people! Praying to get some sleep tonight. The most I have slept in a row is 2 hours in the last 2 months....worth it but I wouldn't complain if I even got 3;) To my sweet baby Hope, Mommy will do better tomorrow! Forgive me for being frustrated. This job is very hard but I wouldn't give it up for anything! Night world!


Serena said...

4 months? It could be a growth spurt causing the napping to be different. Those days are hard. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Becki said...

I saw a quote today that said "bad moments do not make bad mama's."I know you are the very best mom even in the hard moments. Praying with you friend!!