Not sure if I will ever publish this blog but I know that I need to write. I am 5 days late for my period...5 days, I can't even believe it. i have never been this late when I wasn't on fertility medication. I have only told a couple of people and most of them have not said anything. I have managed to not say anything to Steven, not because I want to hide it from him but I am trying to spare him the devastation if I am not.
Church last night was amazing, especially right after worship. Pastor roger talked about those that are victorious in their lives, they want it more and they want it longer. I believe that is Steven and I to the T! I felt something, I felt the peace come over me, as if god was telling me that He will show me something special for those that want it longer and more. But at the same time I feel at peace with the fact that there is a really good Chance i am not pregnant. I know I will be more sad this month than I have been the last few months but I feel at peace with it.
It is so hard to not start thinking about all the different ways that I would love to tell Steven that he is FINALLY going to be a dad, but I have been praying that my mind not go there. I have been praying that god will direct my mind to other things that would benefit His will in my life and how i can help others life. It is very dangerous to start obsessing over your own life and the circumstances that come with it, I know this first hand because I spent the last 3 years doing it. What a change in how you feel when you don't focus only on your self.
Well its gonna be a looooooooooooooooooooong night. I plan on taking a pregnancy test in the morning if I haven't started by the morning.
What I do know it that God is good and Faithful regardless of the outcome this month. Please God protect my heart. So all I can say is we will see...