Come on Christmas Baby

Well I am only 4 days past ovulation and I am already having a hard time staying positive. We did our second IUI this month, with 5mg of Femara. I guess it is just so hard because we want to fill our empty arms so bad. We have been doing a lot more praying this month. We pray everyday but this month we are praying out loud more often. I made a big step this month by letting Steven touch my stomach while praying. Before I didn't want anyone touching my stomach since I wasn't pregnant. I have been extra emotional this month. I cry at almost anything. We were watching a movie together a couple nights ago and I started crying. Steven held me in his arms and told me everything will be alright, and then prayed for me. He has faith beyond anyone you could ever imagine. This month is the first month that he actually said that he believes this will be our month. I want so badly to give him a baby. I have a support group online that was really helpful at first but now it is just another place that I have to try to be happy for people that end up pregnant. I do feel happy for them at first but it is so hard to hear about their u/s and see pictures of their growing bellies. I think I am losing it early in this 2ww. It doesn't help that I am really sick from all the hormone medication they have me on. I am trying not to complain because it could result in us being pregnant, but it could also end in us very disappointed. Is there such thing as being optimistically hopeful? I am trying to get into the Holiday spirit but all I can think about is whether or not I am pregnant. Infertility takes over your life. I should have started blogging a couple years ago when I wasn't so crazy:) I need to get focused and clean the house and iron clothes!!!