I am losing myself

I don't even know what to say. I feel like I have lost the joy that life is. I have a hard time laughing and being happy. I feel as though I am losing my friends and it is completely my fault. I don't want to talk with people. I don't want to hear about how there lives are just continuing while mine feels as though it is at a stand still but I don't want to not know what is going on in their lives. I can't have it both ways. I love my friends and family and I want nothing but the best but I just feel as though I am dieing. I am trying hard to pull myself out of this funk and I just can't seem to find a rope to hold on to. I cry at nothing and everything. I feel so lost in life...