Today is better, although today I started my period it seems to be eaiser then the negative test. I am so thankful for accurate pregnancy tests. I have taken over 70 pregnancy tests and have never had a false positive. Thank you Jesus for protecting me. So my eyes are back on the Lord and trusting in His perfect timing. Mark 11:24- "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. What God does not promise is that He will give us what we pray for when WE want it. What I do know is that I will continue to pray and ask for my hearts desire. I believe in healing and I know God will give us our baby! Jesus thank you for being patient with me even when I feel bad for myself. Thank you for never changing, thank you for your Grace and Mercy.

Trying to process how I feel today...You would think after all this time I wouldn't be so upset to get a negative pregnancy test but I swear it only gets harder, the only difference is the time it takes to cast my eyes back on the Lord. i feel as though it is harder now that I believe without a doubt that God can heal me, because I feel that He is just choosing not to heal me as though there is something I am doing wrong.But as my sister reminded me, he may not be saying no but Not Yet.

Lord I am begging for a Miracle, you are the Healer, heal my body. My heart is crying out.

Praying my heart will not hurt as bad when I wake.

Day 14 and 15

Am I really this far into it? I think so! So many answers to prayers already and God has brought so much to light. Everyone should fast, I know I will be again.

So far the biggest issue brought to my attention: Why is God not on the throne He belongs on in my life? Abraham waited a long to time for a baby and then God finally blessed them with a baby. They waited so long that they loved and adored that baby. They put that baby before anything else, an "uncleansed love" as tozer would put it. They put Issac before God in their lives. God being fed up with this finally told Abraham to sacrifice his only son on an alter....What?!?!??!?! I know we have all heard this but i have never thought of it this way. I have only thought of the great faith that Abraham had instead of realizing that God was telling Abraham to bring Issac off the throne that belonged to Him and place God back in His rightful place. Yikes! Talk up a jab in the heart. God I am so thankful you brought this to my attention now. I want a baby but I don't want the baby to outweigh you, to be higher then you in my life. And lets me honest, having baby was more important and God and even Steven in my life. I am so thankful to realize this now instead of after having a baby and maybe God having to give me a wake up call in even a more painful way. I am choosing to surrender having a baby over to the Lord. God wants to give us all that our heart desires but He wants and needs to be where He belongs....on the throne of our lives. All the you commit to Him is safe and everything you do not, is not. I commit this situation to you Lord.

Through this I have been able to control my emotions more. I have been asking God to search my heart and remove all jealousy and sadness out of my life. I want to be genuinely happy for others. I want to rest in knowing God is in control and truly in his time alone we will have a baby.

I am excited for the remainder of the fast....I am seeking God's face for all that He wants to reveal to us. Thank you to everyone for your continued support.

A few more photos from San Fran!


Thought this was cool!


It was very Windy!


Have to love Self Timer!!!

Day 10, 11, 12,13

Wow I am behind, I won't try and go through each day because I would really be trying to make stuff up since I can't remember exactly what happened each day. The most important thing to note is that we had another answer to pray. Yes we are praying for a baby but also for healing to help that process and that is exactly what happened this cycle. As I have written about in the past, I have really unpredictable cycles and very long ones at that but this month I had a 30 days cycle and then most important part is that I only had 14 days from the day I ovulated to the day my next cycle started. Thank you Jesus! Yes it would have been wonderful to be pregnant(a perfect birthday present for Steven tomorrow) but God is so good and my body is on track this month and we are focused on another month of trying. Thank you Jesus for the healing that is taking place in my body!

Another big note is the amount of people joining forces with us. WE have had so many people come along side of us and are fasting the last 10 days with us. Some are doing the full fast and some chose specific things to fast from and in any case the prayer is the most important. I get overwhelmed thinking of all the people praying with us right now. I hope one day I can step up along side someone and fast and contend for them with the Lord.

Thank you Father for all the wonderful people you have brought into our lives and come along side of us during this time. We ask for continued healing in my body and for a baby. We believe what you word says and we rest on that. Thank you for all the blessing you have given us. We love you and are excited for the next season of our lives.

Day 8 and 9

Thank you to everyone who is continueing to pray and believe that God will fully heal my body and we will have a miracle baby.

Day 8: Day went fine, work was good and Bible study went great. God has really been showing me things in my life that I need to evaluate. Sin has surfaced and I have been able to ask for forgivness and receive the Grace from God. One thing in particular is my prayer life. Lets just say before this, it was basically non existent. I thought I was praying or would fall asleep praying or tell me I was praying but all along I wasn't taking the time. Besides the ramifications it had on my own life God revealed what i had been doing to others. It end to be the person to say "I'll pray for you" and then not pray. Really did I do that, yes and it hurts to admit it. When you tell someone you will pray for them....they depend on your prayers and I would basically slap them in their face by not following through. If I could personally ask forgiveness to everyone i have done that too I would but instead I have asked God to forgive me and I am now aware and will be changing. From now on if I tell someone I am praying for them, it will be written down either in my phone or on a piece of paper and they will be prayed for. My heart broke when God revealed this to me. How can God continue to forgive me? How is his love really that large? who knows except that he is God and I am so thankful for his love for me.

Day 9: Woke up tired today, I need to exercise but I feel like my body needs sleep more. Tomorrow I will excersise in the am and you can hold me to it:) Normal day at work, little time for prayer during the day and then raced home to hit the Pumpkin patch again with another family! Finally got home and spent a little time praying with Steven. He is now suppose to be sleeping but instead is talking on the phone with a friend from Texas...I wonder if he knows I can hear him;)! Just got done doing my devotions and now have to finish my homework for Bible Study tomorrow. Tomorrow will be hard, telling people of the things you have put above God is not easy share but it needs to happen for things to change. Lord soften my heart towards the Holy Spirit while I go through my questions. Open my eyes to what you want me to read and help me to receive your forgivness and Grace that you so easily pour over me.

Well we are trucking along and we have had an answer to one of our prayers already....Steven got a fill in position for 6 months for a managment position. Not only is it a fill in but they are keying him in as a manager. Thats right, he will be on salary and a real manaager. It is hard not to think that they have plans for him after the 6 months since they are going to all this trouble to key him in as one! We won't be thinking of that now, instead we are so thankful to this wonderful blessing and are excited to see what other prayers are answered! Thank you Jesus!

Day 7

One week in and God is great! I had a really busy day as I met a friend for Water:) and we chatted for about 3 hours and then back home where my brother came to visit. He was having a hard time understanding why we werent watching TV but thats okay, not everyone needs to get it. I allowed myself to eat even less today so the hunger pains would spark prayer...lets just say I was praying a lot! Not too much to write about since the day was so busy. I am however having issue with the bathroom...this food is really going right through me. I don't normally talk about this kind of stuff but I really feel that the devil will use anything he can to discourage us. I have felt yucky the last couple of days but it only keeps me more aware so you better come up with something else satan! I am not moving...I am beleiving....I am seeking Gods face and nothing will stop me.
Thank you Lord for your healing power and your love for me.

Day 5 and 6

Praise the Lord...I think I'm officially over the caffeine issue! In the midst of it you think it will never end but it does:) So thankful once again that I chose to obey God and fast the coffee.

Day 5: Surprise day off for Steven so we went together to our friend's daughter's volleyball game. Love going and supporting our friends. Then made a last min decision to make a group trip to Costco....love that store and hate it all at the same time...why do I always spend so much money there. Plus this was the first time I felt like I wanted food that I couldn't have. I have way more respect for Steven having to work around all the samples now. We then parted ways to only meet up again later in the evening. We went home and made a wonderful meal of Potatoes, peppers and mushroom scramble! Loved it! I will have to say I do miss my desserts. We then did devotions together prayed together and headed out for the evening...really to hold their new baby! Nothing like the smell of new baby, which only makes me miss my sister and her babies even more!
~overall a great day! God is so great and forgiving in our weak moments. Thank you Lord for keeping me accountable when I feel like stumbling.

Day 6: Today, GREAT day! Woke up got ready and headed off to church. Roger spoke on praying and it was so helpful when that is basically what consumes my days right now. We then headed off to the mall and the pumpkin patch where we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. But tonight was our first real night home together without any plans....can you believe it! We were able to cook together. We have started watching a podcast of Mars Hill and their serious on the book of Luke....its a 3 year serious! CRAZY I know but I know more about the book in 2 podcasts then I ever thought I would. did some devos and prayed together. My prayers have been focused on what we are fasting for but also for Steven to have more confidence in his prayers for me. Father He loves you and speaks your truth but seems at times apprehensive to do so. Remind him of the gift of prayer that you have given him. And while your at it Father please help me in my prayers as i am too VERY apprehensive when praying aloud to you with others. I am so impressed with his continual faith and am so thankful that he is helping me in the further development of mine.

Lord thank you for the many blessing you have given me in my life. Great family friends husband house vehicles food..and the list goes on and on. I am fasting to seek your face and not just your hand. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for loving me just as I am. Lord help my heart to be softened to the Holy Spirit and what you are trying to teach me. Thank you for the baby you have in our future and help me to be content until the answer is "yes" and not "later". I love you Father and am so grateful for all you do in my life!