Thursday, January 8, 2009

Okay an update finally

Our little one looking pretty in the snow!
Our little one looking not so pretty in the snow!

Our big girls being very naughty!

3rd IUI!

Thats me hanging out after the IUI!

Well after I threw a big fit last night and got over it this morning I am ready to try and write my thoughts again.

Like I said before I just finished my 3rd IUI and I am patiently waiting to find out if that will be my last IUI for now. Oddly I feel as peace with the outcome either way. While I will be sad if it is another negative, I just know that God knows the desires of my heart and wants nothing more than for me to be a mom. As I said before, Steven has such amzing faith. He feels so good about this cycle and thinks it could really be our month. I on the other hand am just trying to stay hopeful everyday. I want nothing more than to me a mom and raise children that love the Lord but I want more to be able to give Steven Children. It kills me every month to have to tell him that once again he won't be a dad. But this month I feel okay. It may becasue I have so much going on right now to keep my mind occupied but I think it is because I trust that the Lord hears my cries. My brother bought me a set of pastoral videos for Christmas and we watched one together. The pastor talked about how the Lord hurts when we hurt, but He loves the intimate time we spend with him when we are at our lowest. It doesn't get more intimate than falling on your knees and begging God to take away your pain. I hope that the closeness I feel with the Lord does not dissapear once my desires are met. I promise God that I will be the best mom I can be and live everyday to gloirfy Him. I believe that the Lord will bless us with a family and if it is not this month than we will be okay with it and move onto the next month. I have never felt stronger in my life and it is only because I finally fully trust the Lord!

Well I shouldn't even be taking the time right now to write this because of this wonderful audit we have going on right now. Oh and I forgot to mention that our front and back yard were completly submerged in water and at about 11:45pm last night we had to shut offour heat because we had water coming through the vents on the floor. Yep no stress going on in my life right now. But to be honest I don't feel stressed. There are times where I feel a little overwhelmed but I feel okay. I can only do what I can do. I am trying very hard to not read into any symptoms I may be having. I am not going to be specific but I do feel different this month. It could just be becasue the doctor had me on different medication and a different protocol. Either way I will be okay. Well Hopefully I stay this positive by next week. I shouldn't test until Saturday and I am not going to test as early as I did last cycle but I may only make it to Friday:) Who knows! Off to work more!!!!
Thank you Lord for holding my heart!

1 comment:

Momma Mary said...

I love you! I have a good feeling about this month. I am really praying for you, I want this so much for you. What if by the end of this year- you had more children then me? (that's 4)