no title to think of

I am feeling scared right now. I am worried I will never get to carry a child. I am worried I will have to try IVF and take the chance that that might not work. I am worried I won't be able to handle the drugs anymore. My heart is breaking right now and I just don't know how much more heartache I can take. I want to allow myself to imagine what it might be like to have a baby, hold it in my arms, nurse it, love it but I can't because the pain of it not happening makes it to difficult. I know I will feel better in a few days but the pain right now is unbearable. And to top it off I keep packing on the pounds due to all the medication. I feel so bad about myself right now. I hate seeing myself fat when I don't even have something to show for it. I am miserable right now. I need to work out but I just can't find the drive or energy. oh man I have to try to work out. My heart is breaking...