Love

People tell you about the love you have for your children but there is truly no way to explain to someone how your heart feels like it could not grow anymore but it does. My heart hurts because I love Hope so much. She makes all things better. Her smile will melt your heart. Deep down I always knew somehow I would be a mom but I never thought I would be given a gift as perfect as Hope. I am so grateful that I get to experience the greatest love one can feel. I lay awake praying for my friends who are still waiting to hold their miracle babies. My heart hurts for them as they wait. I pray they get to experience the joy of being a mom. So far the most amazing experience has been nursing my sweet girl. There is nothing like the feeling of giving your child everything they need. There is nothing sweeter then looking down and seeing her latched on. There is nothing more calming then watching her fall asleep while nursing away. And nothing will melt your heart more then watching your sweet one smile while nursing. I just don't understand why everyone wouldn't want to nurse! I love everything about nursing;) and am so excited about doing for a long to come! Today I washed my phone in the washer. I think 3 1/2 months of not sleeping longer then a 3 hour stretch at a time has finally caught up with me. I am so grateful for a husband who is gracious and gentle with me. He never got upset and actually didn't make fun of me too much. I am so thankful that instead of having to pay 649 dollars to replace my phone the Apple store gave me a replacement phone for 149. The Lord is good! I also got my first pair of jeans since having a baby. I am excited to not be wearing maternity jeans anymore. Bottom line, this is not the weight I want or will be at but, I just had a baby 3 months ago and I will give myself a little grace. It took me 9 months to put it on so I should allow myself 9 months to lose it but I don't think it will take that long! Healthy eating and trying to get in an exercise here and there will really help! It is late and I am actually up watching the Olympic gymnastic trials which I will most likely be regretting since Hope will most likely be up for her first snack at 12:30 but this only happens every 4 years so I will be fine! Lets just hope I can fall right asleep....who am I kidding....I can always fall asleep now!! To my sweet love, Hope your mommy loves you more then you know!

The little things!

Planning on getting a calendar to be able to remember the important milestones for Hope since my brain doesn't work great these days! But for now I will try and keep everything here... She is getting better at telling her hands what to do! She actually pulled down on a hanging toy that vibrates when it goes back up...she must have done it 4 times! I couldn't believe it. She had stopped rolling over, almost like she was bored with it and then a couple days ago she was at it again but this time it is every time she is on her back! She is much faster and is getting better at getting her arm out when it gets stuck! She has been playing with her face with her right hand a lot lately. At first I thought she was just touching her ear and that her ear may be bugging her but then she would rest her hand on her cheek and just leave it there....it is so funny! Ill try and get a picture. She is a little dare devil! She likes to bounce a lot in the sleepy wrap. She likes to be held in the air and pretend to drop her;) She likes it when you swing her fast and hight in your arms! She likes to be moving all the time! Sleeping is still going well. She sleeps great at night. I would say on average she nurses every 2-3 hours so some nights it is longer in between and then for instance last night it was all night long! My mom found the lullaby cd she use to play for all of us kids and Hope loves it! I can remember all the songs and the memories that come with the songs. Hope actually slept on the drive home while listening to it! That was a wonderful drive home. This girl is just so wonderful1 I can't believe my dreams have come true. I can't believe I am a mom. I can't believe the Lord has blessed me so much more than I even asked for. My life is forever changed for the better! Better get to bed. I am still fighting off that cold. I am still coughing and waking up feeling awful. Praying it goes away soon!

In love!

My sweet Hope....words can not describe the love I have for you. You are so sweet. Today we got to see her cousin Grace dance in her ballet recital. This brought back many memories of dancing! Great ones! I honestly didn't think I would want Hope to dance but I just don't feel that way anymore. If she wants to then I am all for it! Hope had a great day today! Before the recital we got to visit with Auntie Rachel! Super fun and we exchanged borrowed items and had lunch. Tonight Steven is gone overnight to go skiing at Mt Hood so my mom is over staying with us! We have a long full day tomorrow of fun! excited for some help and for company!Still battling my cold but I am sure it will be getting better soon! We will definitely be missing Daddy tonight though. Hope is weighing in at 12.6 pounds right now She is very talkative She loves people She loves to be played with She still doesn't nap well during the day She still sleeps great at night She is still the most beautiful baby there is! Thank you Jesus for this gift!

sick....

Well it turns out I am sick....not just the a/c thing. I woke up last night the first time to nurse her and I realized it. It is so hard not to cough and wake her up! All night I prayed I could keep from coughing. I did pretty good. I told Steven if he catches this then he will have to sleep on the couch because there is no way he has the self control I have;) This girl sleeps so well at night.....and when I mean so well I mean she is up every 2-3 hours to nurse but she never stays awake. Most of the time my boob is just out for her to have if she wants it. Half the time I don't even know it is happening...haha! I feel so blessed! I always imagined getting up in the middle of the night and being up for hours but she does really well. On the flip side she only takes about 2-3 (20-30) min cat naps during the day and those are done while I am holding her. So I don't get much done during the day. But there will be plenty of time for me to get to all the stuff I need to get to at a later time! I planned on backing up and writing about the first 3 months little by little but this sick momma is going to head to bed. Hope didn't take her last cat nap so she went down even earlier today so hopefully she will still sleep until 6! Love this girl!!!

Pictures from Father's Day!

Not feeling my best tonight so this will be short! Here are some pictures of yesterday... Steven loving his Father's Day gift....A watch that I had engraved for him! All smiles Steven with little Clara Hope enjoying time with her cousins! Yummy cupcakes I made!! Ugh I would give anything for one right now! Daddy with his little (overstimulated) little girl! She is so sensitive to lots of noise! Family photo....poor Hope was still not thrilled! A little more relaxed....the boy cousins had gone outside and we were packing to head home! Trying hard not to cough right now! I don't think Im really sick but we have had to have the a/c unit in our window on for the last few nights and it always makes my throat hurt/scratchy. It is off tonight for sure. Hopefully Hope's throat isn't bothering her. While I am grateful for the a/c, I do not like to feel this way. Hoping that it is just that! Hope and I did have a great day today! She is really laughing now....well giggling but still! I love to find things that make her laugh! We made a great dinner together and now we are cuddled up next to each other. I guess I should try and sleep(not cough)!

Fathers Day!

Just quick tonight since I didn't sleep too much last night but I need to continue to write! We got to celebrate Steven today! What a blessing. The day was perfect. Breakfast with friends, gift, church, Brian's and now home. It felt so good to see him honored as a father today. But as I will share when I talk about mother's day, it still stings a bit. The many years of trying has left some scars. Steven loved the day! He loved his gift, he loved holding his little girl and he loves time with his family! Here are a couple pictures from his special day. ugh....well I was going to post pictures but my internet sucks! We need new internet....Ill upload them tomorrow! For today Hope was amazing! she did great at breakfast....did quite well at church....didn't love the car but that is not new. Had a great time with her cousins and went to bed right away at 9 I think:) Love this girl! So I am off to sleep. My girl on my left and my man on my right! Love this little family and yes I hope it grows very soon! HAving babies is addicting;) Night!

June 16th

Today Hope got to go to her first ballet recital! I was a little worried she would cry during the show but she did great! She loved the music and loved to watch. We got to see her little cousin Clara dance in first recital and next week we will be watching Grace dance in hers. During the years of trying to conceive Hope, I missed out on a lot.....by choice. It was just too painful to enjoy other people's children. And I will never be able to get that back. I have felt with a lot of guilt over this but it was done to protect myself. Over the last year before getting pregnant I really started to branch back out and I thought I did a good job and now I get to thoroughly enjoy each of my friend's and family's children! After the recital we came home and had dinner with friends and I started on my dishes I am bringing for the Father's Day celebration at Brian's house tomorrow! I made the Pioneer Woman's spinach and artichoke dip and it was AMAZING!!! It is now in the fridge ready to go tomorrow! I will be baking my cupcakes in the morning! I hope I remember to take some pictures! I am so excited for Steven to feel the joy of tomorrow! He has waited a long time and he is ready to enjoy!! In a later blog I will talk about Mothers Day. Today was so very sweet! She laughed and had a really good day. She is feeling much better! Her car rides when I am in the back seat are going much better! She still screams when I am driving and she is alone....even with her mirror and toys;( Poor thing! I love this girl and love to watch her grow! Once again I am snuggled between the two loves of my life! Thank you Jesus for the gifts you have given me. Thank you for the blessing that Hope is. I pray peace and joy over her!

Celebrations!

Technically she is 3 months today;) I can't believe it has been 3 months. Most people say, everything goes by so fast or I can't even remember when they were that little. I am determined to soak up every moment and try rally hard not to forget. I can't however change time. 3 months have flown by. But what amazes me the most is how much they grow, in size and knowledge. She is so big! Since we don't take her to the doctor we have to weight her at home. Steven weighed her before Hope and I took a shower this morning and she weighed in at almost 13 pounds. I asked Steven if he thought that was good and he was like....sure! He then went and looked up the info while we were showering. When he came back in he said that 13 pounds was average for a girl. He then told me that she would be considered a Banana Baby, long and lean and she is getting the most nutrients because she is fed on demand and we bed-share with her. Basically the boob is at her demand whenever she needs it! I love that he is so supportive. The main thing with nursing is support! Every morning(well 2:30am) when Steven leaves for work he kisses me goodbye and tells me what a great mom I am and how he loves seeing us sleep next to each other;) Love him! Funny things Hope did today~ ~She is always the most happy when she wakes up in the morning. This morning was no exception but she kept looking back and forth between us almost like she was confused how we were both in bed with her! Steven rarely is with us in the morning! ~She was extra talkative today. ~TOday was one of the most successful days we have had in the car. She was entertained but songs from the Sound of Music! We celebrated Fathers day for my dad today! We all went to breakfast....Hope slept towards the end! Then we went and celebrated Nana's 60th birthday! I brought all the preparations for mango cream sauce over tilapia and brown rice and peppers! I made the meal and we got to serve M. It went great and she loved it! She got to hold Hope a little more this time. Like I said, Hope is a momma's girl for sure right now! Now I am sandwiched in-between My man and my sweet girl! Like always I should be asleep but I want to try and make this a habit! I love you sweet baby Hope! You are our prayers come true!

3 months!

I need to just start somewhere. My poor sweet girl is 3 months old tomorrow and I have not written anything down. I will soon forget all the little details I wanted to remember. So I just need to dive in and start form now and try to recall what I have forgotten already. 3 months~ Sweet little Hope learned to roll over last week. She was 3 days shy of 12 weeks when she figured it out. This girl wants to be a big girl already. She no longer wants to be held like a baby, she wants to be upright, sitting up, standing, rolling over. I love watching her grow! She is such a sensitive baby. My dad reminds me almost daily how that reminds him of me. She gets startled easily. She doesn't like loud noises, she doesn't like lots of people talking. She likes people talking to her;) She loves to be talked to and when we sing to her. She has a smile that is out of the world beautiful. I think she is the perfect blend of Steven and I. I can see me in her and of course lots of Hopper in her. She loves me and I don't say that just because I am the one Im referring to;) She mostly just wants me, and Im not going to lie, I love it. By the end of work days specifically, I tend to feel very worn. But then I just thank God all over again for this miracle. She is currently sound asleep right next to me. She is a great sleeper, at night that is. She gets up every 2-3 hours to nurse but she never wakes all the way up, I catch her before that happens. I should be asleep right now but I just had to start somewhere. This is all over the place but I need to remember this time. She is beyond my wildest dreams. Being a mom is far better then I could have ever imagined. I am forever grateful to the Lord for giving me this miracle baby. I hope to have many ore to come but for now I am soaking up every moment with by beautiful girl. She loves morning time She hates the car She loves rocky She hates the car She loves being outside She hates the car She loves TV She hates the car ~ Did I mention she hates the car;) Praying and believing that will change soon! I love you sweet baby Hope!